十萬個(gè)冷笑話英文版

　　在現(xiàn)實(shí)生活或工作學(xué)習(xí)中，大家對(duì)句子都再熟悉不過了吧，句子是能夠表達(dá)一個(gè)相對(duì)完整的意思，有一定的語調(diào)，表示不同的語氣，句未有一個(gè)較大停頓的語言單位。那么什么樣的句子才更具感染力呢？以下是小編幫大家整理的十萬個(gè)冷笑話英文版，僅供參考，希望能夠幫助到大家。

　　十萬個(gè)冷笑話英文版 1

　　十萬個(gè)冷笑話英文版一：

　　A burglar breaks into a house. He sees a CD player that he wants so he takes it. Then he hears a voice "JESUS is watching you". He looks around with his flashlight wandering "What The HELL Was That?". He spots some $ on a table and takes it......Once again he hears a voice " JESUS is watching you". He hides in a corner trying to find where the voice came from. He spots a birdcage with a parrot in it! He goes over and asks " Was that your voice?". It said "YES". He then says "Whats your name?". It says "MOSES". The burglar says " What kind of person names his bird moses??" The parrot replys "THE SAME PERSON THAT NAMES HIS Rottweiler "JESUS".

　　十萬個(gè)冷笑話英文版二：

　　A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"

　　一份報(bào)紙組織了一場(chǎng)競(jìng)賽，為下面的問題征集最佳答案：“如果盧浮宮起了火，而你只能救出一幅畫，你將救出哪一幅?”

　　The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."

　　獲獎(jiǎng)的答案是：“最接近門口的那一幅�！�

　　十萬個(gè)冷笑話英文版三：

　　A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.

　　乘客輕拍了一下出租車司機(jī)的`肩膀,想問個(gè)問題. 司機(jī)大叫起來, 車也失去了控制, 幾乎撞上一輛公車, 還上了便道, 在還差幾厘米就撞上商店櫥窗時(shí)終于停了下來.

　　The driver said, "Look mate, dont ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didnt realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "The driver replied, "Sorry, its not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. Ive been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."

　　司機(jī)說,“伙計(jì),別再這么干了. 你把我嚇破膽了!”乘客抱歉地說, “我沒想到拍你一下就嚇成這樣.” 司機(jī)說,“對(duì)不起,也不全是你的錯(cuò). 今天是我第一天開出租. 以前25年里我一直開殯葬車.”

　　Note:

　　Daylights: 復(fù)數(shù)時(shí), daylight可不是“白晝”的意思, 而是“神智, 知覺”的意思.

　　十萬個(gè)冷笑話英文版 2

　　1. Why is the moon round? Because it’s on good terms with the sun (which is also round in Chinese perception).

　　2. I have a superpower: I can turn a slice of bread into noodles. Noodles: That’s not true. I suspect you’re hyping yourself up.

　　3. Head teacher: Why are you always late? Student: Because I want to leave early.

　　4. Xiao Ming: Why do you put the water cup on the roof? Xiao Hong: I heard you need a glass of cold water, so I put it on the balcony to cool it for you.

　　5. Someone yawned so hard that his eyes fell out. He picked up his eyeballs and said with a smile: That yawn was so big it made my eyes fall out from laughing.

　　6. Mom: Why aren’t you eating? Xiao Ming: Because I’m not hungry. Mom: You can only eat when you’re hungry. Xiao Ming: Then I’ll eat when I’m hungry.

　　7. Why can cats chase mice? Because they haven’t learned to drive yet.

　　8. The elephant asked the ant: Why are you always laughing happily? The ant said: Because I know I’m the little courier hiding right under your nose.

　　9. Teacher: Xiao Ming, why did you cheat in the exam? Xiao Ming: Because I’m afraid that if I cheat but others don’t, my score will be low.

　　10. A: Have you heard of "legal speed"? B: No, what is it? A: It means one car can only be driven by one vehicle (a wordplay on the Chinese meaning of "legal").

　　11. Xiao Ming’s mom: Xiao Ming, why haven’t you washed your ears? Xiao Ming: I don’t know how. Should I press them one by one?

　　12. Why can’t elephants use computers? Because they can’t find the mouse (the computer mouse).

　　13. Xiao Ming: Dad, I want to be a millionaire. Dad: How do you plan to achieve that? Xiao Ming: I want to find the daughter of a billionaire.

　　14. Boss: Why are you late today? Employee: Because today is National Day. I deliberately came late to experience the National Day military parade.

　　15. Why did the little pig faint? Because it kept looking down at its phone.

　　16. Mom: Xiao Ming, why did you eat the whole cake? Xiao Ming: Because I ate it in one go.

　　17. Dad: Why are you so fond of being clean? Xiao Hong: Because I’m a human being, so I need to keep myself tidy.

　　18. Why can’t elephants play poker? Because they eat the cards as paper.

　　19. A: Do you know the name of that hard-to-use phone? B: No. A: It’s called an "out-of-control phone".

　　20. Xiao Ming: Did you see that bird standing in the middle of the road? Xiao Hong: Yes, it seems lost. Xiao Ming: Don’t worry, it’s just waiting for the traffic light.

　　21. Ghost: God, next time I reincarnate, I want to be all white like an angel and have a pair of wings, but I still want to suck blood. God: Then you will be reincarnated as a sanitary pad.

　　22. A friend had his first part-time job selling popsicles in the park and was too embarrassed to shout. Suddenly, someone shouted loudly there: "Popsicles~~~~ Popsicles~~". The friend was very happy when he heard it and followed suit: "Me too~~~~ Me too~~~~".

　　23. Shortly after the ant and the elephant got married, the elephant died. The ant cried while burying the elephant: "Honey, why did you leave so early? For the rest of my life, I won’t do anything else but bury you!"

　　24. A boy had a crush on a girl and mustered up the courage to ask her what kind of boys she liked. "Someone who is compatible (touyuan in Chinese)", the girl replied. He asked several times and got the same answer. The boy dejectedly said: "Is a flat-headed person okay?" (Touyuan also means round-headed in Chinese).

　　25. One day, I was out of breath chasing the last bus and shouted while chasing: "Master! Master, wait for me~". Suddenly, a passenger stuck his head out of the window and slowly said to me: "Wukong, don’t chase anymore."

　　26. One day, there was a biology exam. One of the questions was to guess the name of a bird by looking at its legs. A student really didn’t know, so he angrily tore up the paper and prepared to leave the examination room. The invigilator was very angry and asked him: "Which class are you in? What’s your name?" The student rolled up his trouser legs and said: "Guess! Guess!"

　　27. After the beautiful Mongolian actress finished her performance, the leader came on stage to meet her, held her hand, asked about her well-being, and refused to let go for a long time. He kindly asked: "What’s your name?" The actress replied excitedly: "Malegobi. Songsou." (Malegobi sounds like a dirty word in Chinese).

　　28. A person bought a parrot that could only say two words: "Who is it?". One day, the owner was not at home, and a gas delivery man came to knock on the door. Parrot: Who is it? Delivery man: Gas delivery. Parrot: Who is it? Delivery man: Gas delivery... When the owner came home, there was a person lying at the door. The owner was confused: "Who is this?" Inside the door: Gas delivery.

　　29. A person saw a pile of something on the road, squatted down to smell it, and said it might be poop. He touched some with his hand and put it in his mouth to lick: "It’s really poop. Fortunately, I didn’t step on it!"

　　30. The doctor asked the patient how he broke his bone. The patient replied: "I thought there was sand in my shoe, so I leaned against the telephone pole to shake my shoe. I shook and shook... Someone thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a wooden stick and hit me twice."

　　31. A professor was giving a lecture in the field: "Scientific research should not be afraid of dirt..." Then he squatted down, poked the cow dung on the ground with his finger, and then put his finger in his mouth to lick it clean. A student quickly said: "I’m not afraid of dirt..." Then he also poked the cow dung on the ground with his finger and put it in his mouth to lick it clean. Professor: "In addition, we must be good at observing. I just poked the dung with my middle finger, but licked my index finger..."

　　32. In a public toilet, A was constipated and couldn’t pull it out for a long time. At this time, another man B rushed in. As soon as he squatted down, he pulled happily. When A heard it, he said: "Buddy, I really envy you for pulling so happily." B said: "What’s there to envy? I haven’t taken off my pants yet..."

　　33. A man was practicing riding a bicycle. A pedestrian came ahead. The man panicked and shouted: "Stop! Stop!" The pedestrian was stunned and stopped quickly.

　　34. Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.

　　35. What’s the difference between a baby and an onion? No one cries when you chop up a baby.

　　36. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.

　　37. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

　　38. I used to have a job at a calendar factory, but I got fired because I took a few days off.

　　39. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

　　40. A man walked into a bar. Ouch.

　　41. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

　　42. I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.

　　43. I changed my password to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it will tell me, "Your password is incorrect."

　　44. Did you hear about the kidnapping at the playground? They woke up.

　　45. I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.

　　46. I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.

　　47. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.

　　48. People said that I had no sense of direction, and I didn’t admit it until they asked me to buy watermelon (xigua, west melon in Chinese) and I bought pumpkin (nangua, south melon in Chinese).

　　49. There was a power outage at home last night, but the neighbor’s house had electricity, so I called an electrician to come and have a look. I waited for a long time and he didn’t come. The next day I ran into him and asked: "Why didn’t you come last night?" He said: "I went there last night. Seeing your house was pitch-black, I thought no one was there, so I left..."

　　50. I’m so afraid of the letter "Y" in the coordinate system. Someone asked: "Why?" I screamed: "Ah啊啊啊!"

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